When the Two Towers were attacked and felled, I was twenty one years old and one year removed from studying abroad in Scotland. In a ten month span, my personal world view, with American agency as prime benefactor, lurched from assumed optimism of unfettered access to an unwanted awareness of world order. In just ten months I went from the exhilaration of strolling through the British Museum and the Pantheon to fumbling for information on the Northern Alliance and anthrax. Being young, stupid and food secure, I had the luxury of time for my thoughts and what it all meant. I reached very few conclusions. Dark deliberations without inspiration and hope.
Then three months later, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring premiered, and I escaped my dark deliberations for a few hours. The byline of the books and the movies is good versus evil and humans digging deep to find an ancient honor and courage. Certainly this eternal struggle meant something to me and many other people at the time and still does now. But I always maintain, as my friend Adam son of Darren said at the time, that part of the serenity of watching the movie trilogy is in zooming out from the characters, action and computer-generated images to the backdrop of New Zealand. Mountains, valleys, rushing rivers and scrub land, every scene spoke to my inner John Muir. More than any plotline or monologue, that landscape was the pilot light of a renewed investment in the beauty of the world and the worthiness of exploring it. Without abdicating the responsible citizenry of a post-September 11th world, I was able to function again in a spirit of optimism.
My then-girlfriend-now-wife and I did not make it to New Zealand in the intervening years (not yet at least). We were fortunate enough instead to hike through Ireland, Germany, Austria, Slovenia, Croatia and St. Lucia instead. More modestly we've walked and climbed through the Pacific Northwest the desert Southwest, walked the halls of the Eastern Seaboard and the prairies of our own Midwestern backyard. Amazing lands with a lot of personal meaning for both of us. Our marriage is based on love and friendship but is grounded in landscape and exploration. I think our family will be as well -- our chidren are still too young to appreciate a good hike, but we keep trying.
The last few months have been rough and dark for me and for my wife. Please don't take this as an indictment of 2016's election as comparable to 2001's terrorism and war as there is no equivalency. But the doubt and uncertainty of purpose between that time and now are quite similar. In just ten months, I went from the pleasure of watching my young son thrive in a multicultural classroom of the public school system to now worrying that the quality of his and my daughter's education is no longer assured -- no longer to be taken for granted. Now I am less young, still stupid and I remain food secure, so I have the luxury of time for my thoughts and what this all means. I am reaching very few conclusions. Dark deliberations without inspiration. But I still have hope -- as a parent, I have no other choice but to have hope.
Thus are the musings of a white American citizen with privilege and financial resources. In this dissertation, I have not fought for my principles, I have not put my life on the line, nor have I laid down my time or treasure for the benefit of others. This is my little selfish scribbling, but at least I am apologetic. And this selfish scribbling does not absolve me or anyone else from my belief that it will be acts rather than words that turns around the crushing tide of recent politics. I'm making small strides in this area of action, and I think many others are too. As much as actions can instill a sense of accomplishment and personal fulfillment, humans are social beings and the internal drive is rarely sufficient to provide a complete sense of purpose.
And so I wait and hope for another external stimulus like TheLord of the Rings Trilogy. It's been three months now since November 8th and I'm still waiting for that pilot light. It does not have to be a work of art or a cultural touchstone. Perhaps it's an interaction with my patients or an experience with my kids. I suppose it could be anything, but I think I will know it when I experience it. I have to maintain that hope.
Then three months later, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring premiered, and I escaped my dark deliberations for a few hours. The byline of the books and the movies is good versus evil and humans digging deep to find an ancient honor and courage. Certainly this eternal struggle meant something to me and many other people at the time and still does now. But I always maintain, as my friend Adam son of Darren said at the time, that part of the serenity of watching the movie trilogy is in zooming out from the characters, action and computer-generated images to the backdrop of New Zealand. Mountains, valleys, rushing rivers and scrub land, every scene spoke to my inner John Muir. More than any plotline or monologue, that landscape was the pilot light of a renewed investment in the beauty of the world and the worthiness of exploring it. Without abdicating the responsible citizenry of a post-September 11th world, I was able to function again in a spirit of optimism.
My then-girlfriend-now-wife and I did not make it to New Zealand in the intervening years (not yet at least). We were fortunate enough instead to hike through Ireland, Germany, Austria, Slovenia, Croatia and St. Lucia instead. More modestly we've walked and climbed through the Pacific Northwest the desert Southwest, walked the halls of the Eastern Seaboard and the prairies of our own Midwestern backyard. Amazing lands with a lot of personal meaning for both of us. Our marriage is based on love and friendship but is grounded in landscape and exploration. I think our family will be as well -- our chidren are still too young to appreciate a good hike, but we keep trying.
The last few months have been rough and dark for me and for my wife. Please don't take this as an indictment of 2016's election as comparable to 2001's terrorism and war as there is no equivalency. But the doubt and uncertainty of purpose between that time and now are quite similar. In just ten months, I went from the pleasure of watching my young son thrive in a multicultural classroom of the public school system to now worrying that the quality of his and my daughter's education is no longer assured -- no longer to be taken for granted. Now I am less young, still stupid and I remain food secure, so I have the luxury of time for my thoughts and what this all means. I am reaching very few conclusions. Dark deliberations without inspiration. But I still have hope -- as a parent, I have no other choice but to have hope.
Thus are the musings of a white American citizen with privilege and financial resources. In this dissertation, I have not fought for my principles, I have not put my life on the line, nor have I laid down my time or treasure for the benefit of others. This is my little selfish scribbling, but at least I am apologetic. And this selfish scribbling does not absolve me or anyone else from my belief that it will be acts rather than words that turns around the crushing tide of recent politics. I'm making small strides in this area of action, and I think many others are too. As much as actions can instill a sense of accomplishment and personal fulfillment, humans are social beings and the internal drive is rarely sufficient to provide a complete sense of purpose.
And so I wait and hope for another external stimulus like TheLord of the Rings Trilogy. It's been three months now since November 8th and I'm still waiting for that pilot light. It does not have to be a work of art or a cultural touchstone. Perhaps it's an interaction with my patients or an experience with my kids. I suppose it could be anything, but I think I will know it when I experience it. I have to maintain that hope.