Bill Clinton: I regret that I didn't care enough. Bill Cosby: I resent that I lament the erasure of a comic genius. Bill O'Reilly: I'm content that if it wasn't one thing it would be another.
Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Charlie Rose, Louis CK, Joe Barton, Brett Ratner, Kevin Spacey, John Conyers, George H.W. Bush. And now Matt Lauer, who I never felt of any consequence but in reading the allegations am surprisingly further sickened.. So many grotesque power plays. So many lewd charades. At least the cover is off the mountainous pile of sleaze. In these sensational revelations, hopefully a sensitive national discussion can be undertake one kitchen table at a time.
In this vein, an edgy question and an incredulous thought.
First a very risky question at the risk of me being seen as victim shaming. I stipulate that no woman or man should be touched anywhere on her or his body without permission and consent. I stipulate no woman is "asking for it" based upon her clothing, her make-up, her occupation or her body language. My question relates specifically to Leeann Tweeden's accusations of sexual harassment including improper touching and forced kissing by Al Franken (not any other woman's claims against the senator from Minnesota). In researching this allegation minimally, a Google image search of "Leeann Tweeden" brings up numerous photographs of Ms. Tweeden in extremely revealing lingerie posing with strongly sexual overtones. In this context, is there not at least a reasonable argument to be made that Al Franken, a comedian, might misconstrue Ms. Tweeden's willingness to be part of a comedy sketch that involved kissing and touching? I'm prepared to read and hear why this question is totally off-based and constitutes victim shaming. But rather than call me a chauvinist or a privileged white male, teach me why this question in this instance is not worth even asking (bias alert: I think all questions are worth asking).
And finally my incredulous thought. In spite of the fact that these perpetrators of sexual harassment/assault are sick fucks and total pricks, I am fascinated and astounded by the confidence that these men demonstrated toward women. Exposing themselves, gifting sex toys, demanding sexual favors in exchange for everything and nothing. How in the hell did these men ever develop such confidence, arrogance, sociopathy to impose themselves upon other human beings in such a way? I have now asked my wife, my sister, my friend Rose and a few other friends (women and men) to explain this to me and still I don't understand. Perhaps it's because I grew up in a house in which the matriarch was verbally abusive. Perhaps it's because I am socially awkward. But never in my life have I felt anything close to confidence around women on any other levels than in the context of familial bond, platonic friendship and professional collaboration. Examples: It took me three months to work up the courage to ask my wife out on a date even though I knew she was the one the moment I saw her! I get nervous that I'm bothering nurses that I've worked with for eleven years when I ask them to make a last minute phone call to a patient ten minutes before the clinic closes. At our favorite local pizza place, I prefer my wife to place our unchanging weekly food order as I worry that I'm being creepy if I look our regular waitress in the eye. Leave alone the baseline level of morality that must be absent in order to commit these heinous assaults. And I certainly understand egomania and the corrupting nature of power, money and privilege. But at a very basic level: Who the fuck has the internal fortitude to show his dick to a total stranger and demand sex?!!!! I need to understand this!
A crude blog post for a crude topic. I apologize. I should know from my work that sometimes pathology can't be understand but simply excised or treated.
One last reflection: Even before sitting down to right about this, I think about my own parenting and see a huge blind spot. I never once thought I had to teach my son to respect women because I thought that was self-evident. In our society, this is clearly not the case. But I always knew I wanted to teach my daughter to be self-confident, safe and someone who extracts respect from those who do not give it freely as a means of setting boundaries. These are clearly nonequivalent parental tenets. Kindness, compassion and humanity have to be taught by words, not simply instilled by example. Add this to the list of tough but necessary conversations to have with my kids.
Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Charlie Rose, Louis CK, Joe Barton, Brett Ratner, Kevin Spacey, John Conyers, George H.W. Bush. And now Matt Lauer, who I never felt of any consequence but in reading the allegations am surprisingly further sickened.. So many grotesque power plays. So many lewd charades. At least the cover is off the mountainous pile of sleaze. In these sensational revelations, hopefully a sensitive national discussion can be undertake one kitchen table at a time.
In this vein, an edgy question and an incredulous thought.
First a very risky question at the risk of me being seen as victim shaming. I stipulate that no woman or man should be touched anywhere on her or his body without permission and consent. I stipulate no woman is "asking for it" based upon her clothing, her make-up, her occupation or her body language. My question relates specifically to Leeann Tweeden's accusations of sexual harassment including improper touching and forced kissing by Al Franken (not any other woman's claims against the senator from Minnesota). In researching this allegation minimally, a Google image search of "Leeann Tweeden" brings up numerous photographs of Ms. Tweeden in extremely revealing lingerie posing with strongly sexual overtones. In this context, is there not at least a reasonable argument to be made that Al Franken, a comedian, might misconstrue Ms. Tweeden's willingness to be part of a comedy sketch that involved kissing and touching? I'm prepared to read and hear why this question is totally off-based and constitutes victim shaming. But rather than call me a chauvinist or a privileged white male, teach me why this question in this instance is not worth even asking (bias alert: I think all questions are worth asking).
And finally my incredulous thought. In spite of the fact that these perpetrators of sexual harassment/assault are sick fucks and total pricks, I am fascinated and astounded by the confidence that these men demonstrated toward women. Exposing themselves, gifting sex toys, demanding sexual favors in exchange for everything and nothing. How in the hell did these men ever develop such confidence, arrogance, sociopathy to impose themselves upon other human beings in such a way? I have now asked my wife, my sister, my friend Rose and a few other friends (women and men) to explain this to me and still I don't understand. Perhaps it's because I grew up in a house in which the matriarch was verbally abusive. Perhaps it's because I am socially awkward. But never in my life have I felt anything close to confidence around women on any other levels than in the context of familial bond, platonic friendship and professional collaboration. Examples: It took me three months to work up the courage to ask my wife out on a date even though I knew she was the one the moment I saw her! I get nervous that I'm bothering nurses that I've worked with for eleven years when I ask them to make a last minute phone call to a patient ten minutes before the clinic closes. At our favorite local pizza place, I prefer my wife to place our unchanging weekly food order as I worry that I'm being creepy if I look our regular waitress in the eye. Leave alone the baseline level of morality that must be absent in order to commit these heinous assaults. And I certainly understand egomania and the corrupting nature of power, money and privilege. But at a very basic level: Who the fuck has the internal fortitude to show his dick to a total stranger and demand sex?!!!! I need to understand this!
A crude blog post for a crude topic. I apologize. I should know from my work that sometimes pathology can't be understand but simply excised or treated.
One last reflection: Even before sitting down to right about this, I think about my own parenting and see a huge blind spot. I never once thought I had to teach my son to respect women because I thought that was self-evident. In our society, this is clearly not the case. But I always knew I wanted to teach my daughter to be self-confident, safe and someone who extracts respect from those who do not give it freely as a means of setting boundaries. These are clearly nonequivalent parental tenets. Kindness, compassion and humanity have to be taught by words, not simply instilled by example. Add this to the list of tough but necessary conversations to have with my kids.