My compatriot Timmy the Tim is currently furloughed by the government shutdown. I hope he and his wife, my friend Rose (I am the reason they are married), know that they can count on Slider K. Shaftacular and all the resources of West Lawn Park to help them through this difficult time.
Timmy the Tim estimates that the work stoppage will last a total of two weeks. I worry a bit about my friend because the last time he was out of work was when we were roommates living in a garden apartment in Chicago Ridge, IL. I'd leave for work while he was still asleep. I'd come home from work to see him sitting on my couch watching reruns of post-Lisa Bonet A Different World through a fuzzy antenna signal. Let's just say Mr. the Tim sometimes lacks motivation.
Thus, I have come up with a list of fourteen things for Timmy the Tim to do during the shutdown.
1. Rearrange his Guinness-themed basement area to make it appear like he doesn't have a drinking problem
2. Pay someone else to clean out gutters on house while he listens to Pavement albums on his beloved leather couches, then tell Rose he cleaned out the gutters when she gets home
3. Watch October's Magical Match-ups and kill a hobo every time Joe Buck mentions that this is Tim McCarver's last season as a broadcaster
4. Eat a roast beef sandwich at every Lion's Choice in the greater St. Louis area
5. Stand outside Busch Stadium during Cardinals playoff games with a sign that reads "Satan Hates Straight People"
6. Write, produce, direct a Small Wonder reboot and upload to Youtube
7. Build his toddler daughter a gigantic Dome of Sarcasm in the backyard to accelerate the process of turning her into post-millenial Timmy the Tim
8. Khan Academy his way "through medical school" and then pimp Slider K. Shaftacular about fibromyalgia and menometrorrhagia
9. Update the severely obsolete Ron Silver fanboy site he started in 2004
10. Do a sit-up
11. Finally get around to writing Slider K. Shaftacular a thank you note for his current domestic bliss
12. Critically appraise Rose's scrapbooks
13. Write the definitive four volume biography of former Pirates/Orioles/Mets outfielder Joe Orsulak
14. Watch the complete series of Touched by an Angel
Timmy the Tim, I love ya buddy. Hang in there!
Timmy the Tim estimates that the work stoppage will last a total of two weeks. I worry a bit about my friend because the last time he was out of work was when we were roommates living in a garden apartment in Chicago Ridge, IL. I'd leave for work while he was still asleep. I'd come home from work to see him sitting on my couch watching reruns of post-Lisa Bonet A Different World through a fuzzy antenna signal. Let's just say Mr. the Tim sometimes lacks motivation.
Thus, I have come up with a list of fourteen things for Timmy the Tim to do during the shutdown.
1. Rearrange his Guinness-themed basement area to make it appear like he doesn't have a drinking problem
2. Pay someone else to clean out gutters on house while he listens to Pavement albums on his beloved leather couches, then tell Rose he cleaned out the gutters when she gets home
3. Watch October's Magical Match-ups and kill a hobo every time Joe Buck mentions that this is Tim McCarver's last season as a broadcaster
4. Eat a roast beef sandwich at every Lion's Choice in the greater St. Louis area
5. Stand outside Busch Stadium during Cardinals playoff games with a sign that reads "Satan Hates Straight People"
6. Write, produce, direct a Small Wonder reboot and upload to Youtube
7. Build his toddler daughter a gigantic Dome of Sarcasm in the backyard to accelerate the process of turning her into post-millenial Timmy the Tim
8. Khan Academy his way "through medical school" and then pimp Slider K. Shaftacular about fibromyalgia and menometrorrhagia
9. Update the severely obsolete Ron Silver fanboy site he started in 2004
10. Do a sit-up
11. Finally get around to writing Slider K. Shaftacular a thank you note for his current domestic bliss
12. Critically appraise Rose's scrapbooks
13. Write the definitive four volume biography of former Pirates/Orioles/Mets outfielder Joe Orsulak
14. Watch the complete series of Touched by an Angel
Timmy the Tim, I love ya buddy. Hang in there!