Dear Mr. Sumner,
You and I have problems. You haven't had a hit single in a long-time. I am in need of a new Christmas song to listen to. How about we work together?
My idea is a little hard to explain. Have you ever seen Love, Actually?
Here, I'll do the heavy lifting. You just get Cheb on a plane and start singing. I'll grab the drug-addicted violinist from whatever travelling circus she's working with for the reshoot of the video -- but she's not allowed to bump next to the bell choir! It'll scare the old ladies!
And just remember, it's not "I dream of rain -- ee lay ee lay lay" in this version, it's "I dream of snow -- oh woh, ho ho ho".
We are going to make lots of money and lots of people happy with this. Don't screw it up, Gordon!
Sincerely,
Slider K. Shaftacular
--
Cheb:
Ho ho fala falala
Wa fala hoho fala falala misteltoe
Wa fala hoho fala falala misteltoe
Wa fala hoho fala falala misteltoe
Sting:
I dream of snow
I dream of jingle bells in the desert sand
I wake and yell ho ho ho
I dream of candy canes as time runs through my hand
I dream of gifts
Those dreams can be bought at Toys R Us
And cool toy trains
The coal car was always my favorite
This desert snow
Christmas in Las Vegas is wonderful
This desert wreath
No sweet hot cider ever gave me the shits more than this
And as Santa turns
This way he moves to drop off my stuff
This candle burns
I realize the tubby bitch is not bringing me enough
I dream of snow
I dream of poinsettias in the desert sand
I wake and shriek ho ho ho
I dream of gingerbread as time runs through my hand
I dream of snow
I lift my gaze to stars on trees above
I close my eyes
How many more Christmas cliches can I fit into this song?
Cheb:
Fala Fala lalala
Oo my Christmas time has come
Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum
Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum
Sting:
I dream of snow
I dream of reindeer poop in the desert sand
I wake and wail ho ho ho
I dream of fruit cakes as time runs through my hand
Sweet desert snow
Each of 12 days, a partridge in a pear tree
This desert snow
No holiday season ever tortured me more than this
Sweet desert snow
This memory of Christmas with the devil still haunts us all
This desert snow
Snow in the desert is kind of weird, but it's Christmas so just go with it.
Cheb:
Yeah, ho ho, yeah ho ho
--
P.S. I want 30% royalties. I'll see you at the Grammies.
You and I have problems. You haven't had a hit single in a long-time. I am in need of a new Christmas song to listen to. How about we work together?
My idea is a little hard to explain. Have you ever seen Love, Actually?
Here, I'll do the heavy lifting. You just get Cheb on a plane and start singing. I'll grab the drug-addicted violinist from whatever travelling circus she's working with for the reshoot of the video -- but she's not allowed to bump next to the bell choir! It'll scare the old ladies!
And just remember, it's not "I dream of rain -- ee lay ee lay lay" in this version, it's "I dream of snow -- oh woh, ho ho ho".
We are going to make lots of money and lots of people happy with this. Don't screw it up, Gordon!
Sincerely,
Slider K. Shaftacular
--
Cheb:
Ho ho fala falala
Wa fala hoho fala falala misteltoe
Wa fala hoho fala falala misteltoe
Wa fala hoho fala falala misteltoe
Sting:
I dream of snow
I dream of jingle bells in the desert sand
I wake and yell ho ho ho
I dream of candy canes as time runs through my hand
I dream of gifts
Those dreams can be bought at Toys R Us
And cool toy trains
The coal car was always my favorite
This desert snow
Christmas in Las Vegas is wonderful
This desert wreath
No sweet hot cider ever gave me the shits more than this
And as Santa turns
This way he moves to drop off my stuff
This candle burns
I realize the tubby bitch is not bringing me enough
I dream of snow
I dream of poinsettias in the desert sand
I wake and shriek ho ho ho
I dream of gingerbread as time runs through my hand
I dream of snow
I lift my gaze to stars on trees above
I close my eyes
How many more Christmas cliches can I fit into this song?
Cheb:
Fala Fala lalala
Oo my Christmas time has come
Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum
Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum
Sting:
I dream of snow
I dream of reindeer poop in the desert sand
I wake and wail ho ho ho
I dream of fruit cakes as time runs through my hand
Sweet desert snow
Each of 12 days, a partridge in a pear tree
This desert snow
No holiday season ever tortured me more than this
Sweet desert snow
This memory of Christmas with the devil still haunts us all
This desert snow
Snow in the desert is kind of weird, but it's Christmas so just go with it.
Cheb:
Yeah, ho ho, yeah ho ho
--
P.S. I want 30% royalties. I'll see you at the Grammies.